We won't sleep together?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
