so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
