if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
