You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
