I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and she was petting her beer can
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
