the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
