guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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