sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
