so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
farters have to be the big spoon...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
