i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
