There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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