he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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