i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
