I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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