Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
