How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
