Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
