how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
