Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
