i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
