The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
