am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
