he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If I die, sorry about rent.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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