How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
