I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
