No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
