Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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