there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
