Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
