I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
