You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
