just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
