Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
