is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
