A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
