I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
