I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
