ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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