sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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