So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
