Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
