are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
