i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
