I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
