My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
