The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
