After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
