he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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