Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
