I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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