Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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