Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
