I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
