Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
